Friday.
That sacred space between “we still have time to fix this” and “just roll it into next sprint.”
The ads are kind of converting.
The attribution is probably working.
The intern may or may not have edited the live campaign naming convention to “YOLO_v1_FINAL_FINAL.”
But hey—the funnel’s fine.
(We whisper to ourselves as the Slack pings one last time at 4:59 p.m.)
Let’s be honest. We marketers are a rare breed. We spend our weeks trying to:
- Predict human behavior,
- Speak fluent spreadsheet and emoji,
- Hit ambitious revenue goals without getting a raise,
- And make creativity convert on channel-specific KPIs before Q2 pipeline review.
But as we head into the weekend, let’s unwind with a few laughs—and sneak in some lessons to sharpen the sword before Monday swings back around.
“It’s Just a Test.” — Every Marketer, Before Running a $20K Experiment
💡 Real Talk:
Yes, testing is our love language—but it still needs guardrails. Want smarter experiments?
Try this:
- Use pre-test calculators to forecast spend and conversion impact. (No more $20K “let’s see what happens.”)
- Apply the North Star Rule: Only test if it could meaningfully move a key KPI.
- Add a “Why We’re Testing This” field in campaign briefs. Future you will thank you.
🧠 Pro Tip:
Tag your test campaigns with TEST_ in your naming convention. Helps separate performance from “panic” later.
“We Should Go Viral on LinkedIn.” — The C-Suite Dream
💡 Real Talk:
You could go viral. But virality is like dating a celebrity—it seems cool until you realize it’s unpredictable, high maintenance, and not necessarily aligned with your business goals.
Instead:
- Focus on consistency > virality. Build a rhythm. Post insights weekly. Make someone feel smarter, not just entertained.
- Use the 1-1-1 Rule: 1 unique POV, 1 practical insight, 1 clear takeaway.
- Leverage internal experts. Turn internal Slack rants into audience-ready thought leadership.
🧠 Post Template:
“3 lessons we learned scaling [X channel] from 0 to $100K/month. One of them nearly broke our funnel.”
Engagement gold.
“Can You Just Make the Logo Bigger?” — The Classic
💡 Real Talk:
We all want the logo to shine, but oversized branding is the cargo shorts of design: bulky, unnecessary, and surprisingly persistent.
Instead:
- Show stakeholders heatmaps: logos rarely convert.
- Anchor them in conversion hierarchy—what the user needs, not what we want them to see.
- Offer a win-win: subtle branding plus brand tone in copy, CTAs, and footer.
🧠 What to Say Instead:
“Let’s make the brand experience feel bigger—not just the logo. That way it sticks emotionally, not just visually.”
Mic. Dropped.
“Let’s Just Do What Our Competitors Are Doing.” — The Road to Mediocrity
💡 Real Talk:
If you’re copying their funnel, you’re also copying their CAC—and their ceiling.
Instead:
- Run a differentiation audit: What’s their angle? Can we zag where they zig?
- Use tools like SimilarWeb, BuiltWith, and SparkToro to reverse-engineer competitor traffic, tools, and audience behavior.
- Ask: What would our brand do if no one was watching the competition?
🧠 Challenge the Team:
Host a “kill the cliché” workshop. Find and replace all copy that could be slapped on a competitor’s site.
“Our Funnel Is Fine.” — The Friday Lie We Love the Most
💡 Real Talk:
Funnel health is like hydration—you only notice it when you’re in trouble.
Fix it before it breaks:
- Set up conversion rate benchmarks per stage.
- Create a weekly Funnel Health Report. Color code red/yellow/green.
- Track conversion speed not just %: how long do people linger at each stage?
🧠 MarkCMO Mantra:
If you can’t measure it, you can’t meme it.
(Kidding. Kind of.)
Final Thoughts:
Marketing is chaotic. It’s math meets magic.
And sometimes, the thing that gets us through the week isn’t just strategy—it’s sarcasm.
So, if you:
- Burned through a week’s ad budget by Wednesday,
- Had four versions of the same brief named “FINAL_FINAL_TRULY_FINAL,”
- And almost cried in front of a GA4 report…
You’re doing it right.
Take a breath. Take the win. And for the love of all that is retargeted—close the laptop.
The funnel will still be there Monday.
#MarkCMO #MarketingLife #FunnelTherapy #PerformanceMarketerOfThePeople