• Table of Contents

  • Marketing Isn’t Magic—It’s Math (With Better Fonts)
  • The Big Idea: Marketing Is a Profit Center, Not a Party Trick
  • Step 1: Build a Funnel That Doesn’t Leak Like a Sieve
  • Here’s how to fix it:
  • Step 2: Marry Your CMO to Your CFO (Metaphorically… Unless It’s Working)
  • Here’s a simple framework:
  • Step 3: Stop Worshipping the Algorithm. Start Building a Brand.
  • Brand-building tips that don’t suck:
  • Step 4: Measure What Matters (And Burn the Rest)
  • Metrics that matter:
  • Real Talk: The CMO Role Is Changing—Adapt or Get Replaced by a Spreadsheet

Marketing Isn’t Magic—It’s Math (With Better Fonts)

Let’s get one thing straight: marketing isn’t a mystical art practiced by hoodie-wearing wizards whispering to the algorithm gods. It’s not a vibe. It’s not a TikTok dance. It’s not even “going viral” (whatever that means anymore). Marketing is math. It’s strategy. It’s business. And yes, it’s got better fonts than finance, but that doesn’t make it fluff.

If you’re still treating your marketing like a slot machine—pull the lever, hope for leads—you’re not just behind. You’re bleeding budget while your competitors are building empires with spreadsheets and sass.

The Big Idea: Marketing Is a Profit Center, Not a Party Trick

Here’s the truth bomb you didn’t know you needed:

“If your marketing isn’t tied to revenue, it’s just expensive decoration.”

Too many CMOs are still reporting on impressions like it’s 2012. Newsflash: your CEO doesn’t care how many people saw your tweet. They care how many people bought something because of it.

Step 1: Build a Funnel That Doesn’t Leak Like a Sieve

Let’s talk funnels. Not the kind you use at frat parties—the kind that turns strangers into customers and customers into evangelists. If your funnel has more holes than a golf course, no amount of ad spend will save you.

Here’s how to fix it:

• Top of Funnel (TOFU): Stop chasing vanity metrics. Focus on qualified traffic. Use intent-based content, not clickbait. You want buyers, not browsers.
• Middle of Funnel (MOFU): Nurture like a Netflix algorithm. Serve content that answers real questions, not just “Why we’re awesome.”
• Bottom of Funnel (BOFU): Make conversion frictionless. If your demo form is longer than a CVS receipt, you’re doing it wrong.

Pro tip: Map your funnel to actual revenue stages. If you can’t tie a campaign to pipeline, it’s not a campaign—it’s a coloring book.

Step 2: Marry Your CMO to Your CFO (Metaphorically… Unless It’s Working)

Marketing and finance should be besties. If your CFO thinks marketing is a cost center, that’s on you. Show them the math. Build models. Forecast ROI. Speak their language—preferably in Excel, not emojis.

Here’s a simple framework:

• Customer Acquisition Cost (CAC): Know it. Love it. Lower it.
• Lifetime Value (LTV): If you’re not tracking this, you’re flying blind.
• LTV:CAC Ratio: Aim for 3:1 or better. If it’s 1:1, you’re basically paying people to be your customers. That’s not marketing—that’s charity.

When you can walk into the boardroom and say, “We spent $100K and generated $600K in pipeline,” you don’t just get budget—you get respect. And maybe a better chair.

Step 3: Stop Worshipping the Algorithm. Start Building a Brand.

Yes, performance marketing is sexy. But if you’re only playing the short game, you’re renting attention. Brand is what makes people Google you instead of “best CRM software.”

Brand is the moat. Performance is the drawbridge. You need both, but don’t confuse the two.

Brand-building tips that don’t suck:

• Be consistent: If your tone changes more than a teenager’s mood, you’re confusing people.
• Be bold: Vanilla doesn’t convert. Say something that matters. Or at least something that doesn’t sound like it was written by ChatGPT on Ambien.
• Be everywhere (strategically): You don’t need to be on every platform. You need to be on the right ones, with the right message, at the right time.

Remember: people don’t fall in love with ads. They fall in love with brands. And love is what keeps them coming back—even when your competitor is offering 20% off and a free tote bag.

Step 4: Measure What Matters (And Burn the Rest)

Marketing dashboards are like junk drawers—full of stuff you don’t need but can’t bring yourself to throw away. Time to Marie Kondo your metrics.

Metrics that matter:

• Pipeline generated
• Revenue influenced
• Customer retention & expansion
• Marketing-sourced deals

Metrics that don’t:

• Likes (unless you’re selling dopamine)
• Pageviews (unless you’re BuzzFeed)
• “Brand sentiment” (unless you can tie it to sales)

If your dashboard looks like a NASA control panel but you still can’t answer “What’s working?”, you’ve got a reporting problem—not a performance problem.

Real Talk: The CMO Role Is Changing—Adapt or Get Replaced by a Spreadsheet

The modern CMO isn’t just a creative lead. They’re a growth architect. A revenue partner. A data whisperer. If you’re not fluent in business, you’re not in the room where it happens—you’re in the hallway with the interns and the LaCroix.

Want to stay relevant? Learn to:

• Speak in revenue, not reach</