• Table of Contents

  • Marketing Isn’t Magic—It’s Math (With Better Fonts)
  • The Myth of the Marketing Unicorn
  • Framework: The 3M Model (Message, Market, Math)
  • 1. Message
  • 2. Market
  • 3. Math
  • Case Study: The SaaS Startup That Stopped Chasing Likes
  • Truth Bomb:
  • Stop Worshipping the Algorithm
  • Marketing Tips You Can Use Before Your Coffee Gets Cold
  • Final Word: Be the CFO’s Favorite Marketer

Marketing Isn’t Magic—It’s Math (With Better Fonts)

Let’s get one thing straight: marketing isn’t a mystical art practiced by hoodie-wearing wizards whispering to the algorithm gods. It’s not a vibe. It’s not a TikTok dance. It’s not even “going viral” (whatever that means anymore). Marketing is math. It’s strategy. It’s business. And yes, it’s got better fonts than finance, but don’t let the kerning fool you—this is a numbers game.

If your marketing plan can’t be explained on a whiteboard with a dry-erase marker and a hangover, it’s not a plan—it’s a Pinterest board.

The Myth of the Marketing Unicorn

Somewhere along the way, we started believing that great marketing is about finding a unicorn—a magical campaign that explodes overnight, gets 10 million views, and makes your brand the next Liquid Death. Spoiler alert: that’s not a strategy. That’s a lottery ticket with a Canva subscription.

Real marketing is built on:

• Clear positioning
• Relentless testing
• Customer obsession (the healthy kind, not the restraining order kind)
• Data-driven decisions
• Consistent execution

And yes, sometimes a unicorn shows up. But most of the time, you’re riding a donkey uphill in the rain—and that donkey is your CAC-to-LTV ratio.

Framework: The 3M Model (Message, Market, Math)

Here’s a simple framework I use with clients who think “brand awareness” is a KPI:

1. Message

What are you saying, and why should anyone care? If your messaging sounds like it was written by ChatGPT on Ambien, start over. Your message should be:

• Clear: No jargon. No buzzwords. No “synergistic solutions.”
• Compelling: Speak to the pain, not the product.
• Consistent: Across every channel, every time.

2. Market

Who are you talking to? And no, “millennials who like coffee” is not a target audience—it’s a census report. Get specific. Build personas based on behavior, not demographics. Ask:

• What keeps them up at night?
• What do they Google at 2 a.m.?
• What would make them say, “Shut up and take my money”?

3. Math

This is where the magic dies and the money lives. Know your numbers:

• CAC (Customer Acquisition Cost)
• LTV (Lifetime Value)
• Conversion rates at every stage of the funnel
• Channel ROI (not just “likes” and “engagement”)

If you can’t tie your marketing to revenue, you’re not a CMO—you’re a party planner with a budget.

Case Study: The SaaS Startup That Stopped Chasing Likes

One of our clients—a B2B SaaS startup—was spending $50K/month on paid social. Their goal? “Brand awareness.” Their results? A lot of likes from bots in Bangladesh and zero pipeline impact.

We ripped the strategy down to the studs. Rebuilt their funnel. Focused on high-intent channels (search, partnerships, outbound). Rewrote their messaging to speak to CFOs, not interns. Within 90 days:

• Lead quality improved by 3x
• Sales cycle shortened by 22%
• Marketing-sourced revenue increased by 47%

And guess what? Not a single TikTok was made. Sorry, Gen Z.

Truth Bomb:

“If your marketing isn’t moving the business forward, it’s just expensive noise.”

Stop Worshipping the Algorithm

Too many marketers are building their strategy around what the algorithm wants. That’s like designing your house based on what your neighbor’s dog barks at. Algorithms change. Audiences don’t. Focus on what your customer needs, not what the platform rewards this week.

Instead of chasing trends, build assets:

• Evergreen content that ranks and converts
• Email lists you own (not rent from Zuck)
• Landing pages that actually land deals
• Messaging that makes your ICP say “finally, someone gets it”

Marketing Tips You Can Use Before Your Coffee Gets Cold

• Audit your funnel: Where are leads leaking? Patch it before you pour more in.
• Kill vanity metrics: If it doesn’t tie to revenue, it’s a distraction.
• Talk to customers: Not surveys. Real conversations. Weekly.
• Test one thing at a time: If everything’s changing, nothing’s learning.
• Write like a human: If your copy sounds like a press release, rewrite it drunk and edit it sober.

Final Word: Be the CFO’s Favorite Marketer

Marketing doesn’t have to be fluffy. It doesn’t have to be “creative-first.” It can be strategic, measurable, and yes—funny as hell. But only if you treat it like a business function, not a brand babysitter.

So the next time someone asks what your marketing strategy is, don’t say “we’re building community.” Say