• Table of Contents

  • Marketing Isn’t Magic—It’s Math (With Better Fonts)
  • The Big Idea: Marketing Is a System, Not a Slot Machine
  • Step 1: Know Your Numbers (No, Not Your Follower Count)
  • Step 2: Build a Funnel That Doesn’t Leak Like a Sieve
  • The 3-Part Funnel Framework That Actually Works
  • Step 3: Stop Worshipping the Algorithm
  • Step 4: Make Your Brand Actually Mean Something
  • Real Talk: Case Study Time

Marketing Isn’t Magic—It’s Math (With Better Fonts)

Let’s get one thing straight: marketing isn’t a Hogwarts elective. It’s not a cauldron of “vibes,” “virality,” and “manifesting brand love.” It’s math. It’s systems. It’s strategy. And yes, it’s a little sexier than accounting because we get to use Futura Bold and say things like “brand essence” without getting laughed out of the room.

But if your marketing plan is built on hope, hashtags, and a prayer to the algorithm gods, I’ve got bad news: you’re not a marketer. You’re a magician. And not the good kind—more like the guy pulling a rabbit out of a hat while the audience checks their phones.

The Big Idea: Marketing Is a System, Not a Slot Machine

Here’s the truth bomb you didn’t know you needed:

“If your marketing success depends on luck, you don’t have a strategy—you have a scratch ticket.”

Great marketing is repeatable. Scalable. Predictable. It’s not about going viral (ugh, that word again) or chasing trends like a golden retriever on Red Bull. It’s about building a system that works even when the algorithm changes, your CMO quits, or your intern accidentally posts a meme from the company account at 2 a.m.

Step 1: Know Your Numbers (No, Not Your Follower Count)

Let’s talk metrics. Not vanity metrics. Real ones. The kind that make CFOs nod approvingly and investors stop asking if you’ve “tried TikTok.”

• Customer Acquisition Cost (CAC): How much are you spending to get a customer? If it’s more than their lifetime value, congrats—you’re paying people to like you. That’s not marketing. That’s bribery.
• Lifetime Value (LTV): How much is a customer worth over time? If you don’t know this, you’re flying blind. Or worse—flying blindfolded into a wall of burning cash.
• Conversion Rate: How many people actually do the thing you want them to do? If your landing page converts at 0.3%, it’s not a funnel—it’s a colander.

Track these. Obsess over them. Tattoo them on your forehead if you have to (or, you know, just put them in a dashboard).

Step 2: Build a Funnel That Doesn’t Leak Like a Sieve

Funnels are not just for frat parties and pancake batter. They’re the backbone of your marketing system. But most companies treat their funnel like a suggestion, not a strategy.

The 3-Part Funnel Framework That Actually Works

• Top of Funnel (TOFU): Awareness. This is where you attract attention. Not with clickbait or cat videos (unless you sell cat food), but with content that educates, entertains, or enrages—in a good way.
• Middle of Funnel (MOFU): Consideration. This is where you nurture leads. Email sequences, webinars, case studies. Think of it as dating before the proposal. Don’t go straight to “marry me” on the first click.
• Bottom of Funnel (BOFU): Conversion. This is where the money happens. Clear CTAs, killer offers, and zero friction. If your checkout process has more steps than a government form, fix it yesterday.

Each stage needs its own content, its own KPIs, and its own strategy. If you’re using the same message for everyone, you’re either lazy or lost. Possibly both.

Step 3: Stop Worshipping the Algorithm

Social media is a tool, not a temple. Yet too many marketers treat it like a divine oracle. “The algorithm didn’t like our post.” No, Karen, your post was boring. The algorithm is just the mirror.

Instead of chasing trends, build assets:

• Email lists: Still the highest ROI channel. If you’re not building one, you’re renting your audience from Zuckerberg.
• SEO content: Evergreen traffic that doesn’t disappear when your reel flops.
• Owned communities: Slack groups, Discord servers, private forums. Places where you control the conversation.

Algorithms change. Owned assets don’t. Be the landlord, not the tenant.

Step 4: Make Your Brand Actually Mean Something

“Brand” isn’t your logo. It’s not your color palette. It’s not your mission statement that sounds like it was written by a committee of buzzwords. Your brand is the gut feeling people get when they think of you.

Want to build a brand that sticks? Try this:

• Have a point of view: Vanilla doesn’t win hearts. Be bold. Be weird. Be something.
• Be consistent: Across channels, across time. If your tone changes more than a teenager’s mood, people won’t trust you.
• Deliver on your promise: If your brand says “fast and easy,” your onboarding better not feel like filing taxes.

Remember: people don’t fall in love with features. They fall in love with feelings. Make them feel something—ideally not confusion or regret.

Real Talk: Case Study Time

Let’s look at Basecamp. They don’t chase trends. They don’t do growth hacks. They don’t even have a sales team. But they’ve built a multi-million dollar business by being relentlessly clear on who they are, who they’re for, and what they stand for.

They’ve turned down VC money, told customers to