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Table of Contents
- Marketing Isn’t Magic—It’s Math (With Better Fonts)
- The Myth of the Marketing Unicorn
- Step 1: Start With the Business, Not the Brand
- Step 2: Build a Funnel That Doesn’t Leak Like a Sieve
- The “F.A.S.T.” Funnel
- Step 3: Creative That Converts (Not Just Impresses Your CMO)
- Step 4: Measure What Matters (Spoiler: It’s Not Likes)
- Real Talk: A Case Study in Getting It Right
- Final Thought: Stop Worshipping the Algorithm. Start Serving the Customer.
Marketing Isn’t Magic—It’s Math (With Better Fonts)
Let’s get one thing straight: marketing isn’t a mystical art practiced by hoodie-wearing wizards whispering to the algorithm gods. It’s not a vibe. It’s not a TikTok dance. It’s not even “brand storytelling” unless that story ends with a measurable business result.
Marketing is math. It’s strategy. It’s science. And yes, it’s also a little sexy—but only if you find spreadsheets attractive (and if you do, we should talk).
The Myth of the Marketing Unicorn
Somewhere along the way, we started believing that great marketing is about “going viral,” “building community,” or “being authentic.” That’s cute. But unless your community is buying, your authenticity is converting, and your virality is driving revenue, you’re just lighting money on fire and calling it a brand campaign.
Here’s the truth bomb:
“If your marketing isn’t moving the business forward, it’s just expensive noise.”
Let’s break down how to make your marketing less magical and more mathematical—without losing the creative spark that makes it worth doing in the first place.
Step 1: Start With the Business, Not the Brand
Before you pick a color palette or write a single line of copy, ask yourself: what does the business need right now?
- More leads?
- Higher conversion rates?
- Better retention?
- Increased average order value?
If you don’t know the answer, congratulations—you’re not doing marketing, you’re doing arts and crafts.
Marketing should be tied to a business objective like a toddler to a juice box. Unbreakable. Unrelenting. Slightly sticky.
Step 2: Build a Funnel That Doesn’t Leak Like a Sieve
Most marketing funnels look like they were designed by someone who’s never met a customer. Or gravity. Or logic.
Here’s a simple framework that actually works:
The “F.A.S.T.” Funnel
- F</ – Find: Attract the right audience with targeted content, SEO, and paid media that doesn’t feel like a used car ad.
- A – Align: Make sure your messaging matches their pain points. If your homepage says “innovative solutions” and they’re looking for “how to stop my software from crashing,” you’ve already lost.
- S – Sell: Give them a reason to act now. Offers, urgency, and clear CTAs. Not “Learn More.” That’s a nap, not a CTA.
- T – Thrive: Post-sale experience that turns customers into evangelists. Think onboarding, support, and the occasional “we’re not robots” email that makes them smile.
Track every stage. Optimize every leak. And for the love of metrics, stop celebrating impressions like they pay the bills.
Step 3: Creative That Converts (Not Just Impresses Your CMO)
Yes, your ad looks amazing. Yes, the copy is clever. But did it convert?
Creative should be judged by performance, not applause. If your campaign wins an award but loses money, you’ve just built a beautiful billboard in the desert.
Here’s how to make creative that actually works:
- Clarity over cleverness: If your audience has to decode your message like it’s a Da Vinci painting, you’ve already lost them.
- Benefit-driven headlines: “Save 30% on your next order” beats “Reimagine the future of commerce” every time.
- Test everything: Headlines, images, CTAs, button colors. If you’re not A/B testing, you’re just guessing with confidence.
Step 4: Measure What Matters (Spoiler: It’s Not Likes)
Vanity metrics are the junk food of marketing. They feel good in the moment, but they’ll leave your pipeline bloated and empty.
Here’s what to track instead:
- Customer Acquisition Cost (CAC): How much are you spending to get a customer?
- Lifetime Value (LTV): How much are they worth over time?
- Conversion Rate: Are your campaigns actually working?
- Marketing Sourced Revenue: Can you prove your team is driving dollars, not just decks?
If your dashboard looks like a social media influencer’s follower count, you’re doing it wrong. Trade the dopamine for data.
Real Talk: A Case Study in Getting It Right
Let’s talk about a B2B SaaS company I worked with. They were spending $100K/month on paid ads and couldn’t figure out why leads were drying up faster than a margarita at a sales kickoff.
We audited their funnel. Turns out, their landing pages were optimized for “brand voice” instead of conversion. Their CTA? “Explore Our Platform.” I’ve seen more urgency in a yoga class.
We rewrote the copy, added a clear offer (“Get a free 14-day trial”), and tested three variations. Within 30 days, conversion rates jumped from 1.2% to 4.8%. CAC dropped by 40%. The CEO sent me a fruit basket. (It was mostly apples, but still.)
Final Thought: Stop Worshipping the Algorithm. Start Serving the Customer.
Marketing isn’t about chasing trends or gaming platforms. It’s about understanding your customer so well that your message feels like it was written just for them—