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Table of Contents
- Marketing Isn’t Magic—It’s Math (With Better Fonts)
- The Myth of the Marketing Unicorn
- Truth Bomb:
- The Real Formula: Strategy + Execution + Iteration
- Framework: The “3M” Model (Message, Market, Mechanism)
- Case Study: The Startup That Stopped Guessing
- Marketing Tips You Can Use Before Your Next Coffee Refill
- Stop Worshipping the Algorithm
- Final Thought: Be the CFO’s Favorite Marketer
- TL;DR (Too Long; Definitely Read)
Marketing Isn’t Magic—It’s Math (With Better Fonts)
Let’s get one thing straight: marketing isn’t a mystical art practiced by robe-wearing creatives in candlelit rooms. It’s not a “vibe.” It’s not a TikTok dance. And it sure as hell isn’t about “going viral.”
Marketing is math. It’s strategy. It’s psychology. It’s spreadsheets with soul. And if you’re not treating it like a business function with KPIs, ROI, and a plan that doesn’t rely on “hope” as a tactic, then you’re not doing marketing—you’re doing improv with a budget.
The Myth of the Marketing Unicorn
Somewhere along the way, we started believing that great marketing is about finding a unicorn—a magical campaign that explodes overnight, gets 10 million views, and turns your brand into the next Oatly. Spoiler alert: Oatly spent $700 million to become “overnight famous.”
So unless you’ve got a war chest the size of a small nation’s GDP, you need a better plan than “let’s make something cool and hope it catches fire.”
Truth Bomb:
“Hope is not a strategy. It’s what you do when you forgot to make one.”
The Real Formula: Strategy + Execution + Iteration
Let’s break it down like a 90s boy band reunion tour—nostalgic, slightly awkward, but surprisingly effective.
- Strategy: Know your audience, your positioning, and your goals. If you can’t explain your value prop in 10 words or less, you don’t have one—you have a word salad.
- Execution: Build campaigns that align with your funnel. Top of funnel? Go for awareness. Bottom of funnel? Convert like your job depends on it—because it does.
- Iteration: Test, learn, optimize. Rinse and repeat. If you’re not A/B testing, you’re just guessing with confidence.
Framework: The “3M” Model (Message, Market, Mechanism)
Here’s a simple framework that works better than your agency’s 87-slide deck with zero conclusions:
- Message: What are you saying? Is it clear, compelling, and differentiated? Or does it sound like every other SaaS company trying to “revolutionize synergy”?
- Market: Who are you talking to? Be specific. “Millennials” is not a target audience—it’s a census category.
- Mechanism: How are you delivering the message? Email? Paid social? Skywriting? (Okay, maybe not skywriting unless you’re selling to pilots.)
When these three align, you get results. When they don’t, you get crickets—and not the good kind that power protein bars.
Case Study: The Startup That Stopped Guessing
One of our clients—a B2B SaaS startup—was spending $50K/month on paid ads and getting leads that were about as qualified as a golden retriever with a LinkedIn profile.
We applied the 3M model. Refined the message to focus on a specific pain point. Narrowed the market to mid-sized logistics companies. Switched the mechanism from broad Google Ads to targeted LinkedIn campaigns.
Result? Cost per lead dropped 62%. Sales pipeline tripled. And the CEO stopped sending “just had an idea” emails at 2 a.m. (Okay, that last part is a lie. CEOs never stop.)
Marketing Tips You Can Use Before Your Next Coffee Refill
- Audit your homepage: If it takes more than 5 seconds to understand what you do, rewrite it. You’re not writing a novel—you’re writing a billboard on the freeway.
- Kill your vanity metrics: No one cares how many likes your post got. Track pipeline, not popularity.
- Build a content engine: One blog post should become 5 LinkedIn posts, 3 emails, and a webinar. Squeeze that lemon until it begs for mercy.
- Talk to sales: They know what customers actually care about. Spoiler: it’s not your brand manifesto.
Stop Worshipping the Algorithm
Too many marketers are chasing algorithms like they’re trying to date a moody robot. One week it wants video. The next, carousels. Then it ghosts you for six months.
Instead of chasing trends, build assets. Email lists. SEO content. Communities. These are things you own—not things you rent from Zuck and friends.
Final Thought: Be the CFO’s Favorite Marketer
If you want to be taken seriously in the boardroom, stop talking like a poet and start talking like a P&L owner. Know your CAC. Know your LTV. Know how to turn $1 into $5, not just into a pretty Instagram post.
Because at the end of the day, marketing isn’t about being cool. It’s about being effective. And if you can be both? Congratulations—you’re a unicorn. A real one.
TL;DR (Too Long; Definitely Read)
- Marketing isn’t magic—it’s math with better fonts
- Hope is not a strategy; frameworks are
- Use the 3M model: Message, Market, Mechanism
- Stop chasing algorithms—build assets
- Talk like a CFO, not a copywriter on mushrooms
Now go forth and market like you mean it. And if someone tells you to “just make it go viral,” send them this article. Or