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Table of Contents
- Marketing Isn’t Magic—It’s Math (With Better Fonts)
- The Big Idea: Marketing Is a Profit Center, Not a Party Planner
- Step 1: Know Your Numbers Like a Bookie
- Step 2: Build a Funnel That Doesn’t Leak Like a 2002 Honda
- Top of Funnel (TOFU):
- Middle of Funnel (MOFU):
- Bottom of Funnel (BOFU):
- Step 3: Align With Sales or Prepare for Passive-Aggressive Slack Wars
- Step 4: Stop Worshipping the Algorithm Gods
- Step 5: Brand Still Matters—But It’s Not a Mood Board
- Real Talk: The CMO Role Is Changing—Adapt or Get Replaced by a Spreadsheet
Marketing Isn’t Magic—It’s Math (With Better Fonts)
Let’s get one thing straight: marketing isn’t a mystical art practiced by robe-wearing creatives who chant “engagement” under a full moon. It’s not a vibe. It’s not a feeling. It’s not your intern’s TikTok dance. Marketing is math. It’s strategy. It’s business. And yes, it’s got better fonts than finance, but that doesn’t mean it’s fluff.
Too many CMOs are still selling “brand awareness” like it’s a timeshare in 2006. Meanwhile, the CFO is side-eyeing your budget like it’s a suspicious line item on an expense report. If you want a seat at the grown-up table, it’s time to stop pitching vibes and start pitching value.
The Big Idea: Marketing Is a Profit Center, Not a Party Planner
Here’s the truth bomb you didn’t know you needed:
“If your marketing doesn’t move the needle, it’s just expensive decoration.”
We’re not here to make things look pretty. We’re here to drive revenue. Period. That means understanding the numbers, owning the funnel, and proving—yes, proving—that marketing is the engine, not the hood ornament.
Step 1: Know Your Numbers Like a Bookie
If you can’t rattle off your CAC, LTV, ROAS, and conversion rates faster than your CEO can say “cut the budget,” you’re not running marketing—you’re running a coloring book.
- CAC (Customer Acquisition Cost): How much are you spending to get a customer? If it’s more than they’re worth, congrats—you’re a charity.
- LTV (Lifetime Value): How much is a customer worth over time? If you don’t know, you’re flying blind with a blindfold made of dollar bills.
- ROAS (Return on Ad Spend): Are your ads printing money or just burning it with style?
These aren’t just metrics. They’re your marketing P&L. Know them. Love them. Tattoo them on your soul.
Step 2: Build a Funnel That Doesn’t Leak Like a 2002 Honda
Most marketing funnels are about as watertight as a spaghetti strainer. Leads come in, and then… poof. Gone. Ghosted like a bad Tinder date.
Here’s how to fix it:
Top of Funnel (TOFU):
Stop chasing vanity metrics. Impressions don’t pay the bills. Focus on qualified traffic. Use content that educates, not just entertains. Think “TED Talk,” not “TikTok.”
Middle of Funnel (MOFU):
This is where leads go to die if you’re not careful. Nurture with value. Use email sequences, webinars, and case studies that actually solve problems. Not just “10 Reasons Our Product Is Awesome.”
Bottom of Funnel (BOFU):
Time to close. Use testimonials, demos, and offers that make it a no-brainer. If your sales team is still using PDFs from 2017, it’s time for an intervention.
Step 3: Align With Sales or Prepare for Passive-Aggressive Slack Wars
Marketing and sales should be like peanut butter and jelly—not peanut butter and resentment. If your teams aren’t aligned, you’re just generating leads for sport.
- Agree on what a qualified lead actually is. (Spoiler: it’s not “anyone with a pulse.”)
- Set shared KPIs. If sales is measured on revenue and you’re measured on likes, you’re playing different games.
- Meet weekly. Not to “sync,” but to strategize. Bring data. Bring ideas. Bring snacks if necessary.
When marketing and sales are aligned, magic happens. And by magic, I mean revenue. Which is the only magic your CFO believes in.
Step 4: Stop Worshipping the Algorithm Gods
Yes, social media matters. Yes, SEO is important. But if your entire strategy is “go viral,” you’re not a marketer—you’re a gambler with a Canva subscription.
Instead, build a content engine that compounds over time:
- Use pillar content that can be sliced, diced, and repurposed like a rotisserie chicken.
- Focus on evergreen topics that solve real problems. Not just “5 Marketing Trends That Will Blow Your Mind in 2024.”
- Distribute like a maniac. Email, LinkedIn, partnerships, podcasts—don’t just post and pray.
Remember: algorithms change. Value doesn’t.
Step 5: Brand Still Matters—But It’s Not a Mood Board
Brand isn’t just your logo, your color palette, or that $80k rebrand that made your site look like a Scandinavian furniture catalog. Brand is trust. Brand is memory. Brand is what people say about you when you’re not in the Zoom room.
But here’s the kicker: brand should drive performance. If your brand work doesn’t increase conversion, shorten sales cycles, or boost retention, it’s just expensive wallpaper.
Real Talk: The CMO Role Is Changing—Adapt or Get Replaced by a Spreadsheet
Today’s CMO needs to be part strategist, part operator, part data nerd, and part therapist (for when the CEO wants to “go viral” again). You need to speak the language of business, not just branding.
That means:
- Owning revenue targets
- Building cross-functional teams
- Using data to make decisions, not just decorate decks</