How to Audit Your Brand in 60 Minutes

Table of Contents

Marketing Isn’t Magic—It’s Math (With Better Fonts)

Let’s get one thing straight: marketing isn’t a mystical art practiced by hoodie-wearing wizards who whisper to algorithms under moonlight. It’s not a vibe. It’s not a TikTok dance. And it sure as hell isn’t “just making things go viral.”

Marketing is math. It’s strategy. It’s psychology. It’s spreadsheets with better fonts and a few more GIFs. And if your CMO can’t explain your CAC:LTV ratio but can name every trending audio on Instagram, you don’t have a CMO—you have a social intern with a title problem.

The Myth of the Marketing Unicorn

Somewhere along the way, we started believing that great marketing is about being “creative geniuses” who “just know what works.” That’s like hiring a CFO who “feels good about numbers.”

Here’s the truth bomb:

“If your marketing can’t be measured, it’s not marketing—it’s performance art.”

And unless you’re selling NFTs of interpretive dance, performance art doesn’t pay the bills.

Marketing Math 101: The Metrics That Actually Matter

Let’s break down the core numbers every marketer should tattoo on their brain (or at least their whiteboard):

CAC (Customer Acquisition Cost): How much it costs to get a customer. If you’re spending $500 to sell a $50 product, congrats—you’re running a charity.
LTV (Lifetime Value): How much a customer is worth over time. If your LTV isn’t at least 3x your CAC, you’re not scaling—you’re bleeding.
Conversion Rate: The percentage of people who say “yes” instead of ghosting you like a bad Tinder date.
Churn Rate: How fast your customers leave. High churn? You’re basically filling a leaky bucket with a teaspoon.

These aren’t just numbers. They’re the heartbeat of your business. Ignore them, and you’re just throwing glitter at a dumpster fire.

Framework: The “3M” Model for Marketing That Works

Forget funnels, flywheels, and whatever new shape HubSpot is pushing this quarter. Here’s a framework that actually works:

1. Market

Know your audience better than they know themselves. What keeps them up at night? What makes them click? What would they rather do than read your email?

2. Message

Craft a message that punches through the noise. Not “We’re disrupting the synergy of scalable solutions.” Try: “We help you stop wasting money on crap that doesn’t work.”

3. Math

Track everything. Test everything. If you’re not measuring, you’re guessing. And if you’re guessing, you’re losing.

Case Study: The SaaS Startup That Stopped the Bleeding

One of our clients—a SaaS company we’ll call “Bleedr”—was spending $200K/month on paid ads and couldn’t figure out why growth was flatlining harder than a 2007 MySpace page.

We dug in. Turns out their CAC was $1,100, and their LTV was $900. That’s not marketing. That’s financial self-harm.

We cut spend by 40%, reworked their onboarding to improve retention, and focused on high-intent channels. Within 3 months, CAC dropped to $600, LTV rose to $1,500, and they were finally acquiring customers without setting their money on fire.

Moral of the story? You can’t scale what you don’t understand. And you can’t understand what you don’t measure.

Stop Chasing Trends. Start Building Systems.

Every week, there’s a new shiny object: Threads, BeReal, AI-generated haikus. But if your marketing strategy changes more often than your CEO’s haircut, you’re not building a brand—you’re playing whack-a-mole with your budget.

Instead, build systems that scale:

Automated lead nurturing that doesn’t sound like it was written by a robot with a head injury
Content that educates, entertains, and converts (in that order)
Attribution models that actually tell you what’s working (and what’s just noise)

Trends come and go. Systems print money while you sleep.

Marketing Without Math Is Just Expensive Guessing

Look, I love a good brand campaign as much as the next CMO. But if you can’t tie it back to revenue, you’re not doing marketing—you’re doing theater. And unless you’re selling Broadway tickets, that’s a problem.

So here’s your homework:

Audit your CAC and LTV today. Not next quarter. Today.
Kill any campaign you can’t measure. Yes, even the one with the cute dog in the hoodie.
Build a dashboard that tells you what’s working in real time. If it doesn’t fit on one screen, it’s too complicated.

Final Thought: Be the CFO’s Favorite Marketer

When marketing and finance are best friends, magic happens. Not the wand-waving kind—the revenue-generating kind. The kind that gets you budget increases instead of budget cuts. The kind that makes your CEO say, “Marketing is our growth engine,” instead of “What do those people even do?”

So stop chasing vibes. Start chasing value. And remember: marketing isn’t magic—it’s math. With better fonts.

Mark Gabrielli</strong